How ironic: a tale of an alcoholics life advice for the homeless…

Yesterday, walking down the street in Leeds city centre, I was walking towards a homeless guy and an old man talking to him. At first I thought the old guy was having a conversation. In fact, as I walked past the old guy was talking to the homeless man in a condescending tone. He was speaking in a raised voice telling the homeless guy that he should be ashamed of himself, that he needs to get up and get himself a job. I could nt believe my ears….more than that I could nt believe my nose….the old guy stank of alcohol. I turned around and looked at his face, his face was glowing red. I could nt believe that someone who appeared to be extremely intoxicated by 2.30pm on a Wednesday had the audacity to lecture and belittle a person about their lifestyle. Not only that, the homeless spoke very little English. This made me so angry. Where is this man’s empathy or humanity. My initial thoughts were “what a dick!” But that does nt help anyone either does it. It just shows that the negative media surrounding homelessness and refugees has created a monster. It is so upsetting to see how split this nation is, not by politics, but by some people’s lack of humanity and their ignorance to social issues. What can be done to change thus situation?

No one has any idea of these people’s life stories, no idea of their pain, or their journeys. Is it not enough for some people that the homeless are on the streets in cold temperatures, that they have no where to call home and are more than likely suffering from mental health issues. It’s heart breaking.

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Fingering my Core Wounds


I am tired of being the one who has always got a smile on my face. The one who props everyone else up or attempts to hold them together with a million plasters, covering up their wounds and issues. I am tired of giving out advice, for it to fall on deaf ears and for them to smear their tears across their face, apologise for crying, and come back a week later for it all to happen again. I am tired of being that person in the family, where they think they can say what they want, or ignore my feelings, because ‘I am the tough one’. I AM TIRED. I am tired of picking up the mother-fucking pieces.

TODAY, I showed up. I showed up for myself, because I realised the reason I am tired is because I have not looked after myself. I have failed to put healthy boundaries in place. I have allowed people to take too much of me. I HAVE ALLOWED myself to be used as a shining bloody beacon making sure everyone else is ok. Today, I start the real work. I take each and every core wound that triggers me and I deal with, and I am doing this, because I am tired of people fingering my core wounds. My lack of self-protection has enabled all those around me whom I love, and who love me to trigger me in ways that internally send me insane. And it is no one’s fault but my own. The SOONER we all realise that we are responsible for our own happiness, mental stability and capability, the better. If someone is triggering you…look at your wounds.   Trace it back, why do you feel like this. Take the challenge, that the interactions we have with people are an opportunity for growth, not for them to piss you off. And….if you are being triggered and you truthfully cannot see a reason why, and this keeps happening….be realistic they are probably just an arsehole. 😉

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Do I need a Life Coach?

Coaching is nothing new, but more and more it is becoming something a little more mainstream.  But, do we really even have a clue what a life coach does?  Perhaps the answer to this is made more difficult as each coach can specialise in different areas, and offer different services. 
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So…what is a life coach?

A life coach is someone who helps to empower and support others. Their main aim is helping them to make, meet and exceed personal and/or professional goals. This could include improving your work/life balance, improving relationships, helping you to achieve a certain goal in your career, business or physically….as well as things such as improving your self esteem or happiness, or helping to ‘detox’ your life by giving helping you to prioritise the important things in your life, and help you eradicate the things that are no longer serving you.

Clients are provided with ‘tools’ and ‘strategies’ to overcome or achieve their goals.  Many of us have so many dreams, but most are unfulfilled as we approach it from a position of ‘fear’….”what if I fail?” or worst still… one person tells you it is a bad idea, and that is enough to knock you off the path. How many times have you been talked out of something, or talked yourself out of it? I bet its a fair few!

A life coach helps you past your point of ‘fear’ and through your comfort zone….on to success!

Coaching is a great journey for many clients, as a key point is the client ultimately changes things for themselves, once they are shown the necessary tools, and find the commitment to do so.  A coach is a guide, which ultimately supports the client through the change.

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There appears to be an abundance of coaches…how do I know who to choose? 

Coaches offer many different styles as well as specialise in specific areas.  The type of coach you would choose would depend upon the area of your life you wish to improve.  If you wanted to learn how to be more empathetic for example, then you would chose a coach who specialises in emotional intelligence.  Equally if you wanted someone who would help you start or grow a business then you would want to hire a coach who can help you through that process.

One of the main reasons for having a coach can be to help reduce the everyday stresses, and help you to become more resilient

Coaching styles are different from coaching techniques. Techniques are the practices used by the coach during sessions for example, NLP, goal mapping, linguistic and psycho dynamic models, holistic approaches etc.

Are there areas in your life you want to improve? 

Perhaps its time to look for a life coach…but only when you are ready!

Are you ready to find a coach?

You will know when the time is right for you to hire a coach.  it can often be overwhelming, especially when you have no idea where to find a coach.  The best thing may be to take your time, do some research about the coaches available, decide whether you would prefer face-to-face, Skype or online sessions.  Once you have decided to go ahead with coaching, reach out, as majority of coaches will speak to you and advise you if they feel they could be the right coach for you before you have to commit to anything.

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What do you think about life coaching?  What areas of life would you be interested in improving?

Not Freud’s Couch

Tags: Business Coaching, Student series

Homeless: The man without a face

The man with out a face

Sat against the wall,

sleeping bag draped over his legs.

“Can you spare any change love?”

Says the man without a face.

“Have a good day, Miss…”

As she walks by, quickening her pace.


Hiding in the doorway

Huddled in his coat,

Sheltering from the rain.

“Can you spare any change Sir?”

Says the man without a face.

“Have a good day Sir…”

As the man walks on by, not even glancing his way.

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Can you imagine what it much be like,

to be that man sat on the floor?

Whilst the business men and women

Walk on by….

Not even noticing that you are alive?

No eye contact, no conversation.

Just a beggar on the street…

“A worthless piece of society.”

“But I have a story too…” says the man without a face.

“I was married Young, as soon as I was out of care…

My mum passed when I was just a young kid,

And I never saw my dad, he was always pissed.

I did n’t have anyone else.

My wife was the only person I had, but shes gone too.

I don’t drink, and I don’t take drugs,

I have the odd cigarette though.

I lost my job, and within 6 months I lost my home too.

It is so lonely here in the midst of the night

When the city goes quiet, with an eerie silence.

But I am the loneliest through the daytime.

When people walk past and no eye contact is made.

To them I am nothing, just as I have nothing.

Materials are status in this modern world.

No “hello”, not even “have a good day.”

To them I am just a man without a face.

Not Freud’s Couch

Originally published on Not Freud’s Couch on 14th March 2018.

I am….

Repeat after me:

“I am talented enough”

“I am successful enough”

“I am…. (fill in blank here)”

Never feel like you are not enough.

Not Freud’s Couch

9 Key Benefits of Counselling and Talking Therapy

9 Key Benefits of Counselling and Talking Therapy

Counselling is often the first and usually one of the best weapons we have against a whole range of psychological issues like depression, grief and anxiety. You could be doing everything right, leading a model life, exercising and getting all the nutrients you need in your diet, but nothing can quite replace the benefits you get from real human interaction – it’s a genuinely unique source of support.

Having someone to talk to, who is there specifically to listen to you talk about your feelings, is an invaluable boon to many people. Often people find solace in talking to friends or family, but for many people this can actually be a barrier to openly and honestly discussing your issues – many people feel more comfortable talking to a trained professional who is essentially a stranger and who can therefore listen to you without judgement. They’re also experienced in dealing with and talking about almost any subject or taboo under the sun, so there’s nothing you need to feel too embarrassed or ashamed to talk about.

If you’re considering counselling, we’ve listed and explained the key benefits that come out of engaging in talking therapy with caring, qualified people.

See Your Thoughts from a Different Perspective

Speaking aloud and verbalising your thoughts and emotions lets you see them from a new perspective, instead of just in the interior of your own mind. Saying them to another person also makes you consider what their view is, meaning you can gain new ways of thinking about your problems, simply by letting them out. In a similar way, keeping a diary or journal is a great help to many people – seeing your problems written down on paper allows you to examine them from a distance. In some cases, people discover that their worries or anxieties aren’t really founded on any real cause for concern or that what they thought was a very serious issue was in fact nothing at all to worry about – this can be a huge relief.

Cathartic Experience

Similarly, letting things out that you’ve been keeping inside can be a cathartic experience, purging you of pent up emotions, as many people find they are relieved of thoughts or feelings that they’ve been bottling up. Such a release often feels like a weight off the mind, and allows people to begin to let go of feelings they’ve been holding on to.

Time Set Aside to Confront Feelings

Today we’re busier than we’ve ever been in the past, as our attention is pulled in every way possible from the moment we wake up until the moment we fall asleep. This means we can rarely afford time to sit and process feelings of guilt, remorse, grief or sadness. Counselling or talking therapy means you simply dedicate some time to facing or confronting your issues. When you have an appointment with another person, you’re committed to them for that period of time, meaning you can’t put off or run away from facing your feelings. Equally, you’re less likely to be distracted whilst you are facing those feelings.

Couples Benefit from a Neutral Party

People in relationships often see very positive benefits from specific relationship or couples counselling. Problems in relationships can become deeply entrenched if a couple is unable to openly discuss issues and move past them. Taking the time to talk through such issues with a neutral third party means both sides can air their views whilst someone is there to mediate between them and help them both to see arguments from the other’s perspective.

Feel Less Alone With Your Problems

Often people feel unable to share their feelings and issues with the people in their life, and quite often with those most close to them. Having someone who is a complete stranger, who doesn’t know you and won’t judge you, can give you the freedom to talk about things you wouldn’t normally admit to your friends and family. This is hugely helpful in making people feel less alone and isolated in their suffering, especially if you’ve had something on your mind that you’re too embarrassed to discuss with people who know you.

Find it Easier to Cope in Everyday Life

Sharing and unloading your emotions through counselling and talking means you can get on with the rest of your life, making it easier to cope. You have some weight off your mind, and you know that, should anything come up, you have someone you

can talk to about anything you’re worried about. People find that this, knowing you can rely on someone to listen to your problems, frees them of worrying about their problems all the time, meaning they can focus on living their lives again. This often

produces a virtuous cycle, as being able to focus on everyday life means people make positive changes in their life, which in turn lifts their mood. Some even get back on the path to realising their dreams.

Share the Burden of Your Emotions

And having that one person that you confide in, who listens to you, relieves you of always shouldering the burden of your emotions. It’s quite common for emotions that are bottled up to have lasting effects on your mood and behaviour, and long-seated issues can be the root cause of all kinds of worries.

Improve Your Physical Wellbeing

Often in this field, all of the focus is on the mental side of things, but as physical beings, our physiology and overall health and wellbeing plays into the equation too. Some such benefits people get as a result of counselling can be more energy, sounder sleep, and a better appetite. This often has a knock-on effect, making people more active, which can elevate feelings of positivity. The other side of this coin is the simple benefit of spending time in close proximity to other people which, especially for those feeling lonely, can have a hugely comforting effect.

Greater Degree of Self-Awareness

Finally, examining your emotions with another person allows you to see yourself from the outside, resulting in a heightened sense of self-awareness. And once

processed, this can have hugely beneficial effects in making people feel more at peace with themselves, and more confident in the rest of their lives.

With thanks to for supplying this guest post.

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Twin Flame Life Lessons Through Connection

Through the darkness and into the light…

She walks steadily arm in arm with twin
Forgiveness present, but can not forget
Though this is what binds them together so tight

Hes a mirror of her own internal thoughts
Catching her like the quick sea tide
Making her breathless when he is so cold
She fears too much soul searching… and work

But like a true Phoenix rising
She grasps the opportunity with both hands
And pulls down hard on the dark unforgiving past energies of rejection and fear
Determined to eradicate them from her entire consciousness

This is the only way out from this eternal torture
To fight her inner demons is to tackle his
Deep down at the core root of the issues
For he is the yang as a result of her ying

Welcome in the light. Time to take control.

Show willing to spirit;
By loving oneself and boundaries are set
He feels the shift and it unsettles him
So best run? Or come back just before it is too late

Forever a connection, as there were before this
Will it resolve in this lifetime or next?
Many a lightworkers job to do
Whether solo or duo it is entirely up to us…

This writing is the property of the author on behalf of Not Freuds Couch, it may not be copied, reproduced or replicated in part, full OR otherwise without prior consent.

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So you think you know me?

Welcome to Not Freud’s Couch. Grab a brew or a glass of wine, and get comfy. The other morning I wrote this short post which came to me rather inconveniently as I was getting ready to do the school run. However, like with anything…if I did not get it down at that time…it would have never been captured and would have passed me by. Post edifying, here it is, I hope you enjoy it.

The more I delve into my social psychology studies, the more I realise it’s not what you see on the surface or the outside of the person that defines who they are, it’s more about what is deep within. No matter how much you think you know a person, it is never possible to know a whole person. It’s like each person is made up of a billion stars and you might know 150 of those stars.

Some people are more giving and open than others…so with them you might you 152 of those billion stars that make them up as a person.

You will never know their deepest thoughts or fears, as we ourselves do not know them either, burried away in the deepest depths of our pure existence, usually for our own protection, and perhaps the protection of others.

You will never know their fleeting thoughts, as they walk up a street and take in their surroundings; and their thoughts as they look at the faces of the people passing by.

You will never know their dreams or nightmares, even if they recall them to you; they are already another version of that very same dream or nightmare.

The sounds they hear, the things they smell, the love or hatred or other emotions they feel inside, the things they feel and how they feel them. You will NEVER know. You can have a similar experience but you will never have the same or repeat experience as anyone else.

Our human experience is an individual one, but one in which we are all connected by a big web of emotional ties and cords. But as for ‘knowing’ humans all we can do is observe what is going on on the outside, for the inside is it’s own universe within a galaxy of humans.

Thank you for joining the social sofa, see you next time!

Much Love,

Not Freud’s Couch

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Are we all just actors…on a stage created by ourselves

Wishing a very wonderful Saturday morning to all you sofa surfers. Some of you may know I started a pledge of sobriety for 90 days….I am currently on day 11. I can feel the creativity flowing back. Here’s a short post following my Saturday morning muse…..see what happens when I don’t have alcohol to numb my brain!

“Are we all just actors? A character we have created block by block. Every day we wake up and get ready as if we are going onto a stage. We do our hair, we do our make up. Every day we are interviewed by others, and we interview them. Mostly, we act how we think other people want to perceive us. Playing that character…or whatever character fits for that day “mother”, “student”, “funny friend”, “caring friend”, “employee” etc… or playing all of your characters at different points in one day. With so many ‘characters’ who really are you? Most of what makes up ‘you’ is created by you. And, yet the most pure version of you is locked away, with only the necessary parts peeking 🌱through to allow you to play your role.”

Thank you for joining the social sofa…wishing you a wonderful weekend.

Not Freud’s Couch 🛋

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90 Day Sobriety Challenge…The beginning…

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Welcome everyone, I would like to invite you to follow a rather ridiculous challenge that myself and my partner have embarked upon. We have decided to go sober for 90 days! For anyone who knows us personally, knows this is going to be quite a journey, as we do love a good old party!
We are aiming to raise money for a grass roots charity called Cambodian Buddhism Association for Vulnerable Children.
The reason we have started now is because personally this is the most difficult period of time in the year where it will be the biggest challenge for us. I myself will be having to experience for the first time in a very long time (since a teenager) a sober birthday, Christmas and New Year. Our first sober day began on Halloween, October 31st 2017 (yesterday) which is quite apt, as when I recently researched the origins of the word ‘spirit’ as in alcohol such as vodka, from Greek mythology means ghoul or daemones (demons), which is very fitting for Halloween, don’t you think?
A Buddhist monk called Kong, whom I met in Siem Reap, Cambodia three years ago helps to run this charity. Myself and a friend were lucky enough to meet him whilst walking down a Street in Siem Reap. For those unaware Cambodia is a country with 98% people following the religion of Buddhism. It is custom not to approach the monks and speak to them, they must first approach you. I had previously said to my friend that I would love the opportunity to speak to a monk before leaving Cambodia. It turns out that the universe was willing to provide that experience! Kong stopped me in the street, and invited us to his temple and offered us a blessing. In exchange we stayed a while and helped him practice English, which he is studying at university.

I returned to Siem Reap this August and arranged to meet up with Kong again. He is now helping to run a charity for disadvantaged children and families in the province of Siem Reap as mentioned above. Many have no toilets or running water, despite the fact Cambodia is in no way water deficient. Hundreds of children a year die from diarrhea and sickness due to the contaminated water they are forced to drink.

For those who have been to Cambodia you will know what I mean when I say they are the sweetest most beautiful people, who have had an extremely rough ride from 1967-1975. A civil war was one of the bloodiest genocides in history. Majority of the Cambodian academics and anyone which were seen as affluent (even for the fact they wore glasses as it suggested they were readers?!) in anyway were wiped out by Pol Potts in the cruel regime. This has resulted in what can be described as a lost generation with huge social impacts.
The affects of the war are still very apparent and after meeting these people again we’ve decided we would like to help make some of these families and children’s lives better by helping to offer the most basic of things, like a water well for clean water, which costs around $300. It would be awesome to raise more than this and provide as much as we can to collectively make a difference, but any amount will make a difference to this poverty stricken area.
This challenge is not going to be easy for my partner and myself as our whole social life revolves around drink. Anyone who knows us knows we love a good old party and we are under no illusions that this is going to be a tough journey. However, it’s nothing in comparison to the daily struggles that plague majority of the lovely Cambodian people.
How you can help? If you are willing to spare any amount of money (maybe the cost of a pint), or no matter how small please sponsor us on the Just Giving page. We will keep posting updates, and of course at the end of the 90 days (End of January) we will be advertising how much money has been raised, and what effect our collective efforts have had on a community in Cambodia.

Thank you for taking the time to read, at the very least I hope you have learnt something new about the social affects of war, how they affect generations to come, and how people in countries not as developed as ours still live without their basic needs being met.

See you next time at Not Freud’s Couch.

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